Wyatt’s birth story

We made the appointment for the next day — “if you’re still pregnant.” If I’m still pregnant? The idea that there was a point in the future when I would no longer be pregnant felt pretty far fetched. At that point it felt like I was going to be pregnant forever!

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Today my tiny baby is one year old. It seems like a good time to write his birth story. A midwife friend recently shared with me her birthday tradition of telling her son his birth story each year. It made me think of Lorelai telling Rory her birth story: “…to me it was more akin to doing the splits on a crate of dynamite.” In true Lorelai style, she pelts the nurses with ice chips and names the baby after herself. The rest is history…

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Postpartum essentials

Two or three days after your baby is born, you’re going to wake up in a puddle of milk, with rock hard, uncomfortably swollen, surprisingly massive boobs. The good news is, you’re about to experience the sheer beauty of a milk drunk newborn…

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Oh baby.
If you’re female and use the internet, you’ve probably read some of Chrissy Teigen’s hilarious tweets about pregnancy and motherhood, viewed her extra adorable photos, marveled at her postpartum figure (hey! stop comparing yourself to supermodels. just an idea.), and seethed at the backlash to her daring to go out to lunch or for a walk or whatever. Come on. Let a woman live.

She gave birth about a month after I did. I laughed knowingly to myself when she wrote “no one told me i would be coming home in diapers too.” And then I literally almost cried when she followed it with her “push present” to herself, a perineal rinse bottle. Maybe I was just feeling a little emotional, but seriously. Her doctors and friends truly failed her if they didn’t let her know about the peri bottle.

I’m here to be the friend that Chrissy should’ve had. I am not afraid to tell you the gross and uncomfortable stuff. If you would rather not know, stop reading now! Bellies, blood, vaginas, pee, and boobs ahead…

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